It’s almost Valentine’s Day! This romantic holiday that has both Christian and Roman ties, started out less than romantic. During a season in ancient Rome where young men were prohibited to marry because it was believed to make them better warriors, St. Valentine continued performing marriages for young lovers in secret. He was executed and later hailed a martyr by the Catholic church, representing love amidst all odds. Shakespeare later romanticized the holiday with the writing of love letters and love poems. Still today, February 14th is a traditional day to send cards and gifts and express love. Here are my 3 three tips for showing love on Valentine’s Day.
Tip #1: Give gifts that speak to your partner’s love language.
Each of us feel loved and valued when another person gives us time and attention. Gifts that are thoughtful and a tender touch can show appreciation and love. There are 5 universal love languages that all show love. While we can feel love from any of the 5 love languages, we tend to receive love the most with one or two specific ones. This is your dominant love language.
Knowing and giving love based on your partner’s love language can be especially fulfilling for them. I highly recommend The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and taking the love language assessment here.
The Five Love Languages
People whose love language is quality time thrive on time together. Scheduling special time together, like dates, going on a walk, or other activities that create memories, is especially meaningful for them. Quality Time individuals are hurt when time with them is not a priority.
What to avoid
Those with the language of quality time detest last minute cancellations, not being fully present when together, distractions that prevent quality, alone time together, or a partner who doesn’t make time to date or to be together.
Gift ideas for Quality Time
- Go on a special Valentine’s Day walk with a surprise gift at the end.
- Schedule an outing to a special show or musical they’ve been wanting to see.
- Provide all the ingredients and recipes to enjoy cooking a special dinner together (with no distractions). Take an art, photography, cooking, or social dance class together.
Words of Affirmation
Those whose love language is words of affirmation thrive on intentional, caring words. These people need to hear “I love you” and also the reason why. Crafting caring, intentional words that compliment their strengths and recognize their accomplishments is very fulfilling.
What to Avoid
Words of affirmation individuals are hurt when they receive no acknowledgement or gratitude for their efforts. Avoid criticism that does not have a purpose to build, lack of communication, harsh words, yelling, and ingratitude.
- Write a special letter that clearly and thoughtfully expresses your love for them.
- Create a special poem or song.
- Re-read your original vows. Write new vows based on your growth.
- Include a handwritten card in any gift.
- Tell them why you love them. Daily.
Those whose love language is receiving gifts appreciate the time and effort involved in giving a gift. It’s the thought behind the gift that is meaningful. Gifts need not always be tangible or expensive. The best gifts are those that take time and thought.
What to Avoid
Gift love language individuals also tend to show others they care by giving gifts. Therefore, it feels especially hurtful when a partner forgets or neglects a holiday where gift giving is traditional. Don’t miss a birthday, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s/Father’s day or any other occasion that is traditional in their culture or religion.
- Make a gift out of a photo from a trip or special moment.
- Make a custom gift with a special phrase or affirmation that is important to the individual.
- Create a special treat that is close to their heart or cook a special meal that is meaningful to them.
Those whose love language is physical touch have a need for closeness and connection. This can include, but is not limited to, sexual intimacy. They view touch as a sign of love, intimacy, and respect. They love cuddling, holding hands, and in non-romantic relationships, they value physical presence, accessibility, a reassuring handshake, or a pat on the back.
What to Avoid
Avoid neglect, isolation, harsh contact, lack of intimacy as a priority, and abuse of any kind.
- Think of gifts that convey closeness, such as a special blanket for cuddling together during home movies.
- A new massage oil that includes your massage or a foot scrub with a foot rub.
- In romantic situations, there’s nothing better than a new outfit or getaway that precedes intimacy.
Acts of Service
Kind and thoughtful deeds often speak louder than words. Those whose love language is acts of service view actions as the ultimate expression of showing love. These people appreciate acts of kindness that help to take stress away from their lives or show kindness and thoughtfulness. Anything from daily tasks, like folding a load of laundry or plugging in their phone, to building their dream with them will show them how much you care.
What to Avoid
Avoid needlessly creating more work or stress in their lives. Other pet peeves of this type of person include not following through on projects, not pitching in, and laziness.
- Create or build something that has been on their wish list.
- Surprise them by detailing their car.
- Fix or replace an item that has been troublesome.
- Book a pre-paid visit to a salon or spa for self-care.
- Complete a project that has been on the sidelines.
Hopefully this got your brain churning! There are so many different ways to show that you care.
Tip #2: Use Oils that help you Connect.
Essential oils are fantastic for helping you connect with the person you love. Oils trigger the amygdala which connects to the limbic area of the brain. This region processes emotions like love, connection, and trust. Diffusing essential oils to set the mood is a powerful way to prepare your mind and body to give and receive love. Here are a few of my favorite Young Living oils to set a mood for romance and intimacy.
Valor is the “don’t worry” oil. It’s a blend of blue tansy, frankincense and black spruce. This amazing aroma helps to ease occasional anxiousness and calms our hearts and minds. I recommend using Valor throughout the day to feel less emotionally worn by evening and more available for your partner.
Orange is my go-to oil to feel carefree and release inhibitions. This oil is associated with the pelvic chakra and may help you to let go and enjoy.
Take this essential oil as a dietary supplement to give your hormones a hug. This oftentimes can help you physically connect with your sweetie.
This lovely oil supports healthy circulation which helps when you want to experience fireworks at the end of your Disneyland electric parade…
This oil blend is for HIM. It specifically supports his endocrine system. He can wear as a cologne daily, and as a man-boosting oil at night.
One of my favorites, Joy has a high frequency that elevates your mood and fosters feelings of love. Wear this oil over your heart to protect against negative emotions and to open your heart to giving and receiving love.
Progessence Plus serum
This serum contains wild yam extract which supports healthy progesterone levels. This may help you through your period as well as life transitions when your period stops.
This sweet bottle is made just for connection. Sensation is my favorite oil to set the mood and is inviting and alluring to your man.
I give lots of other tips and recipes in my book, Lucy Libido Says… There’s an Oil for that.
Tip #3: Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love, not just romantic relationships.
You may have heard it said that Valentine’s day could be called “Singles Awareness Day”. Remember, Valentine’s Day is a time when we celebrate love in all forms. A father can express love to his daughter. A mother can express love to her son. Friends can express love for one another.
Think of ways that you can express love to several people around you. Consider a card for your siblings or a special treat for your kids. Maybe a special heart-themed breakfast is in order for your family! Be creative; show others you care and have fun!
I think of all the amazing people in my life who may not be in a time and space where they are in a romantic relationship. These friends are the first I think of on Valentine’s Day. I reach out to them to remind them how thankful I am to have them in my life, and I remind them how much they are loved. I hope they are showered with affirmations of love and reminded of their strength. If you are reading this, consider this a challenge to reach out to at least one non-partnered friend this Valentine’s Day, and remind her how much she is loved.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Lucy is the best selling author of Lucy Libido Says… There’s an Oil for THAT and The Little Black Book for teaching hormone balancing classes. She has been married for 19 years and teaches self-empowerment and hormone balancing in her private Facebook group. Her books are available at Life Science Publishing, on Amazon, and her estore.
Looking for ways to spice up your Valentine’s gift giving? Consider this homemade Couples Massage Oil.
For more great essential oil tips, uses, and education, come and check out The YL Education Club!